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It hurts a lot when the one person you love cheats on you, it is sure the worst way to be heart broken. It might seem like someone stabbed you at your back and you feel like laughing because you were so stupid to not see it coming. As humans, we love dearly that we ignore our partners mistake just to save the relationship, though, most people get over their feelings and get rid of the cheater in their life and sometimes most people forgive and forget that their partner ever did something like that. Well before you decide to forgive your cheating partner, here are questions you should ask yourself;

Smiling Black couple underneath sheet

Smiling Black couple underneath sheet

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1. Is cheating their habit?

If your partners cheats on you once and is deeply and truly sorry about it, you should consider forgiving them but if they have done it more than once then it would be best to walk away without listening to what he has to say because it has become an habit.

2. What kind of cheating? 

We should first of all know what actually counts as cheating and then assess the situations. If your partner cross the limits, try to see the reasons behind it and if your relationship had lost its spark and that’s why they wanted to have fun so they kissed a co-worker or friend when they were unable to control their urge, that shows you they are emotionally unattached to them and they need someone to be close to them. If this is the situation, then it can be fixed and you should try to.

3. Who did they cheat with?

This might not matter to you because the mere fact that they cheated on you has broken your heart so deep but it might help you decide if you can forgive them or not. You need to know if it was a close friend, your maid, prostitute, old friend or someone you have never heard of. Pay attention to little details if you find it in your heart to forgive them.

4. Is it easy to forget?

Forgetting that your partner cheated on you is more difficult that forgiving, you may have decided to forgive them but it is possible you may not be able to forget what they did. You can’t just stop loving your partner and forgetting might be impossible to do.

5. Was it a one night cheat?

Lust can take over your partner sometimes and if they wake up the next morning and the first thing they decide to do was to tell you because of the guilt that is killing them inside, then consider accepting the apology. But if it was not just the one night but actually something serious going on the side, then dump them because a person who has the balls to keep two men/women in the dark does not deserve a second chance.

6. Would you have done it?

We should always see the other person’s side of the story when judging them, would you have done the same if you were in the same circumstances as them? If you find your heart echoing yes, then you have to forgive them and that is if they are truly sorry. We are never perfect and neither are the mistakes we make.

7. Can you trust them again?

A relationship where you doubt your partner at every little thing they do is not a relationship but a complicated affair where there is no romance and there is no point in continuing in such relationship. So ask yourself if you can be the normal girlfriend/boyfriend again after he cheats on you and if the answer is no put an end to the relationship.

8. Can you deal with it?

If you are considering forgiving your cheating partner, you should know that the situation between you two will take time to get back to normal. The effect of trauma takes long to fade away and things will get back to normal over time, ask yourself if you have enough time and patience to work on the mess and you are willing to put everything back in place, then you can but if you do not think you can gather the time and energy to clean up the mess then you can move on.

This is a message we received in our inbox. We have given advice and set up a poll to seek public opinion. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to [email protected]

My name is pelu,am 30 yrs, am dating a guy though is married now but when we started he never get married but he told me he’s married that’s how I loose interest in him but we are going out am 26 by then, now he his married with 2 kids ,back to the beginning we agree on friendship, I have someone am dating but is not serious as I need him he take s his work serious than me. Later this married man proposed to me he said he will marry me by all mis after a lot of argument BTW us I I agree with him we started our relationship later his wife get to know, she even know me in person ,she caught him through our chat, she copy my phone number from his phone she called me, she did all what she can, but I didn’t respond to any of her behavior because I knew am at fault. I later started thinking asking my self a lot of questions, I told him we should call it a day he said no. To cut the story short, the guy is a social person he is a womanizer I even caught him dating my childhood friend.

Dear Pelu,

You are either in a relationship or not, there is nothing like serious or un-serious when it comes to a relationship. It’s so unfortunate that you are merely helping this married man cheat on his wife, if he truly loved you as he claimed why did he marry his wife even when you existed. This man cannot leave his wife and two children for your sake so it would be in your best interest to let another woman’s husband be. Your relationship with this man is baseless because you cannot gain anything from it rather, it will only hurt you.

How would a married man propose to a single lady? The truth is you cannot have this man you are just wasting your time and resources considering he is a womanizer again, there is no future for such relationship. Let him be with his wife and children and do not help him cheat on his wife because you wouldn’t have tolerated such if it happened to you. Stay away from him before he destroys your life and look for your own man.

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