Relationships are formed between two people that are attracted to each other in a romantic way. The first thing in any relationship is attraction, it might be emotional or physical attraction which other feelings such as loyalty and commitment might develop later or not. Most people do not really know why they keep going back to someone whom they are very aware will break them, they may try to explain it to people who constantly taunt an oppose their relationship but they never get it, Well here are list of the reasons why we are attracted to someone we shouldn’t be ;
1. You think you can help
Don’t think that you can change anyone that is emotionally unstable or have other issues, you might care about the person but it is not in your power to change someone without having the right experience when it comes to dealing with people in such problems. A human can not be your experiment, You might shower them with affection as much as you can but at the end, they might not want to change and maybe you shouldn’t try.
2. You think that it’s not them, it’s you
People always take all factors into consideration when a relationship is at the edge of breaking. Your partner might make you think that it’s all you and you might eventually reach a point when you think that they might be right, but how often can they be right and you be wrong? A relationship is based on mutual efforts and you can be blamed for somethings but if the relationship is breaking then it can’t be just you irrespective of what you might be led to believe.
3. You can relate to them
There might be something that makes you see yourself in your partner, you might think they understand you and you know how they are feeling but you can’t relate to them and you can’t fully understand their problems nor can they fully understand yours. This does not mean you should get out of the relationship and leave them to their problems, rather you need to realize that when a person has problems they are not in a state to form a relationship.
4. Others compel you to go back
This shouldn’t even be a reason but it’s actually one of the main reasons. A relationship is formed by two people, less or more people doesn’t make it a relationship. You often go to someone for consolation when you breakup with someone which is natural, but sometimes your circles would be restricted to people who would favor your partner over you and would reignite feelings which you had to suppress to break up with them in the first place and you will go back.
5. You think that what you two have is love
Love is indescribable and sometimes you might confuse love for attraction or sometimes you might think that what’s holding you in the relationship is love even if it is not. If you constantly second guess yourself when you think that you love your partner, then it is not love. Most times we do not accept that what made us form a relationship isn’t there anymore and we think that the right thing to do is stay in the relationship since they love us.
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God keep you guys for the good work you are doing. Please keep me anonymous. I need help cos am losing my mind.
I am 28 years old and my fiance is 39 I met my fiance years back,we started off as friends and later lost contact, when we reconnected Jan last year, he has been transferred from warri to Lagos(where I stay). We actually fell in love and started dating. He introduced me to his bro that he lives with whenever he’s in Lagos.
He said he’s still living in ph city and will always do 2weeks onshore and 2weeks break. March this year he decided we should get married, and as usual I wanted to know his base in ph and his family. He took me to his dad and later to his ph apartment. I found out I was pregnant for him around August, so when I told him, he was soo excited and decided to speed things up. I noticed a number that is always calling him and he also returns the calls so I confronted him but he said it was his mother and I honestly don’t understand the language they speak since am igbo and he’s Urhobo. Just yesterday, my fiance decided to shock me with the news of him being married with a daughter, he also said he fell in love with me that he doesn’t care what anybody says, but I do care,I asked him a lot of questions like his father he introduced me to, his brother, the apartment, the sister and to my greatest surprise they all went along with his plan to take another wife. I feel used, I can’t believe I didn’t see this one coming, I can’t marry another woman’s husband cos she’s unable to bear more kids. Am so confused that I feel like dying, I love him so much, and am having his child( am almost 12weeks gone) I can never think of aborting this baby cos I already feel this maternal love for it already. Should I just disappear and go take care of my baby alone? Please I need advice from very matured men & women. I love him inspite all, I love my unborn child but I still have some dignity and morals. I need a solution, a suggestion, anything to get out of this mess cos am about to lose my mind.
It’s so unfortunate that you are in this situation, he should have told you he was married because it is your right to know. Being a second wife it’s not so easy and there might be a whole lot of troubles coming especially if the wife is clueless of the situation. This relationship is based on deceit, so there is every tendency it will not pass the test of time, erase every thought of you being in a relationship from your mind and see yourself as an eligible single woman.
This man belongs to someone else and you cannot have him but at the same time you shouldn’t deny your baby paternal love, fleeing will not solve the problem nor will it reduce the pain you are feeling. Stay till you put to birth, though, it will take some time for you to recover from it but you will surely overcome it. For the sake of your child stay and nurse your child till you can take up the responsibility for your child. Focus on things that makes you happy and surround yourself with people that makes you smile.
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